


Programmed or Conditioned

by africancat



Category: On My Block (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Humor, Getting Together, Jamal is great as always, One Shot, Sassy Jasbys, The Great Jasby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-01-15 09:17:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18495946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/africancat/pseuds/africancat
Summary: When you like someone, you usually go to a friend. Ruby likes Jasmine. He has three friends. Two of whom are better at ruining a relationship than starting one. So, Ruby's left with Jamal.





	Programmed or Conditioned

Ruby's been trying to hype himself up for the last ten minutes, but he has no idea how he can say this with a smooth segway. How is he going to casually work Jasmine into this conversation? Jamal is literally talking about how narwhals prove God's just mean for not creating unicorns.

So without any subtlety, and no finesse in sight, Ruby blurts out, "Jasmine likes unicorns!"

Jamal stops mid sentence, "Duh. Everyone likes unicorns, Ruby, this point has already been discussed, now listen-"

"But Jasmine really likes unicorns. And, you know what I like?"

Jamal sighs dramatically, "I'm guessing it's not unicorn related, but as your best friend," He tenderly puts a hand on his chest, "I will allow it."

"Jasmine."

Jamal freezes, and Ruby says it again, like an idiot, as if he didn't hear him, "I like Jasmine."

Jamal's mouth falls open, and in the next second he's jumped up from the bed with his hands on his hips.

Ruby frowns, "Jamal?"

He holds up a finger and hums, nodding his head as he starts pacing the length of his bedroom. Ruby sighs, for once forgetting about his impeccable posture and slumping. He shakes his head, looking up at the ceiling as if asking God why? In his head he's sure God's saying, "Don't look at me kid, you were the one stupid enough to come here." Ruby blows out a breath and runs his hands down his face. God can shut the fuck up.

Jamal finally stops and his head swivels towards him. He stares at him for a good ten seconds, and Ruby raises his eyebrows.

"What are you looking at me for?"

"What was my favorite animal from the age of 5 to 10?"

Ruby throws his hands up and shakes his head, "Jamal!" He whines, "What does that have to do with _anything_ I've just told you?"

"I have to make sure you're the real Ruby. What if Jasmine cloned the _real_ you, and programmed you to say what you just said? Don't look at me like that, you know it could happen!"

"I'm not saying that's not possible, I'm looking at you like this because in this hypothetical, and highly unlikely situation, would I be a clone, or a robot? Because _you_ said program which contradicts your initial suspicion of me being a clone."

Jamal frowns, "You can program a clone."

Ruby hums in skepticism, "But can you? I think it's a problem with your vocabulary. See, you _program_ a robot, but _condition_ a clone since it's a clone of me and my DNA, and since I'm not a robot, it has to be human."

Jamal squints at him, "But are you _sure_ you're not a robot? Are _any_ of us sure we're not robots?"

Ruby rolls his eyes and, tugging at his hair, groans, _"Jamal!_ We are not having this debate!"

"But can we shelf it, because I feel like this is a topic worth revisiting."

 _"YES,_ God, Jamal, we can discuss the existential question of whether we're all robots or clones later, but can we please just tackle the task at hand?!"

"Yes… What was that again?"

Ruby leans forward with his head in his hands, "Why are you my best friend- _Jasmine!_ Jasmine, is the task at hand!"

"Riiight. Well. Do you wanna date her? Isn't that what you do when you like someone? I mean, I'm not the _expert,_ but that's just my guess."

"I don't know! If I did, I wouldn't be here talking to you, would I?! I'd have my hands on Jasmine's boobs, _right now!"_

Jamal's eyes widen, and so do Ruby's before he clears his throat, "That's not the only thing I would do, of course. You know I don't objectify women. If anything, Jasmine would be flattered I'd want to touch her boobs, knowing I'm a boob guy, _and_ I am a generous lover who-"

"Wants to make love to Jasmine while squeezing her boobs."

"What?! No!"

Jamal shrugs, "That's what it sounds like to me. Just ask her out. You wouldn't even have to do that! You could literally, take Jasmine's hand, and tell her you're dating now." He purses his lips, and raises his eyebrows, "It's that simple. Jasmine's already in love with you. What's the big deal?"

Ruby groans again, and falls back onto the bed, "Because..I don't know, just because! I don't know how to be smooth about it! My charm doesn't even work on Jasmine."

"Duh! That's because any and everything you do is charming to her. You could toss your cookies, and Jasmine would need her inhaler. Or take a dump on the sidewalk, and Jasmine would need her inhaler, you could-"

"Jamal! You're not helping!" Ruby wrinkles his nose, "And why did you use only bodily functions? That doesn't-- no, stop confusing me, this is  _serious!"_

His friend sighs and sits next to him, slapping his thigh, "Okay, big boy, give me your phone."

Ruby curls away from him, protecting the phone in his pocket, "Why?"

"I will tickle it off of you. You know I know all the spots. We can do this the easy way or the hard-"

Ruby slaps it into his palm, and Jamal smiles pleasantly, "Thank you."

Ruby rolls his eyes as Jamal unlocks it without thinking twice. Cesar's right about Jamal having no boundaries, but is it worse that he doesn't even care? They share everything, Ruby can open Jamal's phone too, he knows him so well he should be the sole beneficiary of his will. That's why he came to him, afterall. He laughs at even the _thought_ of going to Monse or Cesar.

"Yeah, hello, Jasmine?"

Ruby shoots up, and looks at Jamal with wide eyes, "What are you doing?!"

Of course he doesn't answer, so Ruby lunges for the phone just as Jamal stands up, spinning out of his reach.

"Jamal!"

"Wow, you can recognize me by the sound of my voice? I'm so touched."

"Jamal, put the phone down. Hang up! Put. The. Phone. _Down_ ," Ruby hisses.

Jamal nods at something Jasmine says instead, "Really? I didn't even know you owned all the Twilight movies. We should get together some time, but I'm actually calling about-"

Ruby makes another swipe for the phone, and Jamal holds it high over his head, pushing him away with a hand on his chest at the same time.

"I am _helping_ you," He mouths.

Ruby snarls at him, and refuses to jump like a dog for his phone, "You are a _traitor_ who's ruining this _friendship."_ He hisses.

Jamal acts like he's thinking for a moment, then shrugs, "I'll live."

And shoves Ruby hard enough to send him stumbling back onto the bed.

"Sorry about that, bad reception, so, I was calling about Ruby. Mmhm, that's right."

Jamal turns and walks out the door when Ruby makes another grab for the phone, and he doesn't think twice about following him. Which leads to Ruby trying to corner Jamal in his own living room with little success.

"So what I wanted to say was that _Ruby likes you, Jasmine!"_ Jamal shouts, taunting him, but Ruby just throws his hands up helplessly.

Well, what's the point stopping him now? It's too late. The damage is done. Jasmine knows, and Jamal has to be kicked out of the crew. It's sad but a necessary action, and he's sure Cesar and Monse will understand.

"Oh, you want to talk to him? Yeah, yeah, he's right here. You want me to put him on? Of course!"

Ruby shakes his head, waving his hand in front of his neck for him to knock it off, abort, abort! But Jamal just throws the phone across the couch and coffee table separating them, and Ruby either lets his phone crack, or catch it. He just got a new screen protector, so truthfully his hands are tied.

Ruby catches it, but quickly tosses it back to Jamal who glares at him. A high tension game of hot potato follows before Ruby silently screams and caves, putting the phone up to his ear, and slapping a smile onto his face.

"Heeey, Jasmine. I heard you have all the Twilight movies. I'm team Bella, by the way, ha, who says she has to have a love interest, right? So sexist it's-"

"Is it true?"

Ruby laughs weakly, "Well, no, not really. I've never actually seen a Twilight movie, and I've never read the books, honestly the number of pages is a little daunting. Not that I can't read big books, I am completely capable of-"

Jasmine starts to cackle over the line, and Ruby falls silent, first confused, and then confusedly happy? He has no idea what's going on, but she's not mad at him so that's good?

"Ruby, you're cute, you know that, right?"

He smiles, "Really?"

"Yes, _really."_

"Good. Um, I mean, you're cute too."

Ruby catches Jamal's eye across the room, who smiles almost maniacally with an enthusiastic thumbs up. Ruby jerks forward as if to punch him from across the room.

"You think so?" Jasmine asks, her voice teasing and flirty, a sound that makes Ruby bloom with heat while simultaneously releasing the butterflies in his stomach. He's fucked in other words.

"Ye-yeah. I think so." Ruby clears his throat, and says almost shyly, "Jamal already said I liked you, right?"

"Yeah, he did-- but I can forget about it if you want me to."

Ruby sighs in relief, and it's like the decision is made for him. She just gave him an out, she's not going to force him into anything, and that's exactly why he's going into it willingly.

"No. I don't want you to forget it. I like you, Jasmine. And I think we should…"

Jamal nods encouragingly, and mouths _go on a date._ Ruby, nodding, repeats, "Go on a date."

 _The museum in town has a new butterfly exhibit,_ "And the-" Ruby stops and glares at him. Jamal shrugs like he has no idea what he's done wrong, and Ruby turns away from him.

"You pick, Jasmine," And Ruby hopes she can hear the smile in his voice, "We'll go anywhere you want, do anything you want to do."

"Really? You're sure you want to give me that much power?"

Ruby's smile brightens, and he rocks up onto his toes, "I promise, whatever you want."

"What a _gentleman_. But really, Ruby? Just come over to my house on Saturday, I want to see you suffer through Twilight."

He laughs, "Don't you love it?"

"Of course I do! But it's terrible. I love it for being terrible."

"Aw," Ruby nods in understanding, "I get it. It's like me and Fast & Furious."

" _Ooh_ , so a double feature."

They laugh together, and Ruby takes the phone away from his ear for a second to say, "I doubted you at first, but you came through."

Jamal opens his arms wide, "Have I ever failed?"

Ruby gives him a look, "Yes. Multiple times."

"I'm sure this more than makes up for it."

"I don't think that's how it works, you can't just-"

"Ruby?" Jasmine asks, causing him to look back at his phone. He turns back to Jamal and whispers, "We're shelving this too."

"Under the robot vs. clones debate, right? Because one takes precedence over the other."

"Obviously."

Ruby hears a click, and looks down to see Jasmine's hung up on him. His face drops, and Jamal sucks in a breath as he walks over to him.

"Ooh, she hung up on you didn't she? At least you still got a date, right?"

"Do you think she'd answer if I called again? Maybe it was an accident," Ruby reasons, not even believing himself.

Jamal nods eagerly, "Yeah, yeah, you know Jasmine has a really round face, one of her cheeks probably touched the end call button," Jamal laughs, shaking his head, "That happens all the time. The downfall of touchscreens really."

"I'm gonna call again. Or is that too desperate? Or clingy? Am I clingy?"

He sucks in a breath, "It's a little clingy."

"Jasmine, won't care, though, so," Ruby's about to hit her number again when Jamal snatches the phone out of his hand. He holds it high above of his head, and looks warningly at Ruby.

"Stop it. You're better than this."

"Am I?"

Jamal's hand drops, "Probably not, but it'd be better if we _pretend_  you are."

"Fine."

And the two stand there for a beat, looking at each other with Jamal still holding Ruby's phone as if he can't be trusted.

Ruby shrugs, "But texting's different, right? It's different."

Jamal almost throws his phone across the room.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a personal favorite of the stories I've written so far. Mostly because I really love the dynamic between Jamal and Ruby and writing it was so fun!
> 
> Kudos and comments welcome!
> 
> See you next week, sassy jasbys


End file.
